Tag Archives: Family dynamics

Family dynamics -A candid look into my Mother’s life Part II

I will be adding another video today on how to restore old photos but, I also wanted to finish up on an earlier post. I believe I left off with the year of 1951 so lets begin there.

Year 1951, my Mothers Father recently died on September 21, 1951. During my research to locate records, I found a marriage index showing my Mother married this man in May 10, 1952. My Mother was born in 1939 which would make her thirteen years old. The record shows the estimated birth to be 1936 adding three years to her age which was the legal age to marry with adult consent and the partner had to be at least eighteen or older. Prior to this marriage my mother was living with a family by the name of Dixon. I got two different stories. One from my Mother saying she was pawned off to the Dixons who basically raised her so to speak, yet had to show up once a month for the Welfare headcount check so that her biological mother could get her monthly check. One of my Aunts with  brief conversation on the subject basically confirmed what my Mother had told years ago. Yet, another Aunt informed that all siblings got along. The one Aunt stating that everyone got along good was the youngest of all the eleven children, she was only around five years old when the adoption so to speak transpired.

Name: Virginia L Dixon
Gender: Female
Estimated Birth Year: abt 1936
Age: 16
Marriage Date: 10 Mar 1952
Marriage Place: San Francisco, California, USA
Spouse: Prentice R Sircy
Spouse Age: 20

Source Information

Ancestry.com. California, Marriage Index, 1949-1959 [database on-line]. Provo, UT, USA: Ancestry.com Operations, Inc., 2013.

The record also shows a last name of Dixon. The marriage was not a good one from my understanding from the stories passed down to me. During her marriage, her husband allegedly kidnapped her son and took of out of state. I imagine with the aid of the Dixons, retained a lawyer to help my Mother at the age of fourteen recover her son. My Mother was put on a plan and flown to the state where her son was. She ended up in a court building and asked many questions which I can only guess what they were. The Judge ordered the child to handed over to my Mother. Her son comes in wearing coveralls, no shoes and no shirt just the coveralls. The child my brother was head to toe covered in dirt from what I have been told. I can only imagine what most parents would go through in there mind let alone at a very young age. The rumor is that they divorced or the marriage was annulled however I have found no records showing this as proof.

Fast forward to 1958, My mother would have been nineteen years old, she showed up to her mothers house, had a brief visit and her mother gave a hairbrush as a keepsake I suppose. My mother intentions as to live at the house with a boyfriend of hers. The last name of Silva comes up but no proof of that either. I am not sure what conversations took place that day but my Mother ended up leaving. My mother told me that she lived in Oregon when she was nineteen, perhaps due to the conversation my Mother had with her mother caused her to move to Oregon. I do not know but the information gathered supports the theory. During her stay in Oregon, my Mother was almost strangled to death by a man perhaps the person by the last name of Silva, I do not know. From that day forward, my mother could not stand to have anything around her neck -even on a cold day.

There are still missing pieces of this puzzle, yet with information gathered one can make a good case as to why she had become a nervous person. The slapping incident, small living arrangements for a family of that size and the new information of grandfather going on drinking binges and telling stories to scare his children and the park exposure incident, marrying at a tender age and having her son kidnapped, almost being strangled to death, some male siblings abusing her and one trying to molest her. My brothers and I may not have grew up rich, but I am grateful that we did not have the childhood that my Mother had.

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Family dynamics -A candid look into my Mother’s life

Family dynamics are the patterns of relating, or interactions, between family members. Each family system and its dynamics are unique, although there are some common patterns.

Source:  http://www.strongbonds.jss.org.au/workers/families/dynamics.html

 

science_archaeologistGenealogy is not just about amassing dates of birth and deaths on yours or someone else’s family tree. Genealogist dig for information like an Archeologist would unearthing the past by finding clues or evidence that link us to the present, the stories discovered helps to solve the family structure as a whole look at it this way. You and I are individuals with our own beliefs and opinions but, we come from a family unit that helped bridge our own way into the vast world of adulthood, now let’s think back to our great grandparents day, how they lived, what was an average day like for them, how did they survive during that time frame and most important, how did they react to one another within the family and as a whole. That is family dynamics the study of individuals interacting with one another and the family as a whole.

Think back when you were a child reacting with your siblings, parents and cousins, some will be fond memories while others will not be so pleasant to remember and it maybe like digging up old wounds for some. Now let’s expand this concept to our parents and other ancestors. How did they get along with their siblings and other relations, what was the communication link between them if any?  Through these discoveries, the complexity of the unknown can shed some light on our families and their history, granted if we do not have at least two elder relatives to help unearth information we seek to learn, then we use Census records to gather the geographical pattern of migration, land deeds if any to determine how wealthy and newspaper clippings for a brief look into a moment of their life, marriage records can also shed some light especially when one partner is twenty years their junior. A person in their fifties will not think the same as a twenty year old and vise versa.

My Mother rest her soul, always had this nervousness about her for as long as I could remember, I never know why or understood what made her so nervous but, today I think I can put the pieces of the puzzle together and form a partial imprint of the larger one waiting to be developed one day.  Earlier in my youth, my mother would tell me stories of how her bicycle was stolen while slap-clipart-slapresiding in San Francisco, Ca, she was surrounded by five other girls and one was rather on the large side, they taunted her-shoving her around and one slapped her leaving an imprint on my mother’s white skin.

Speculations of the time period.

My mother was about twelve years old when her bike was stolen, according to her recollection, so that brings us to the year 1951. A 1940 Census record shows her living on Fillmore street at the age of 1 and on my grandfathers  U.S. National Cemetery Interment Control Forms, 1928-1962 shows that his wife my grandmother in 1951 was residing on 2487 42nd Ave San 2483_42nd_AveFrancisco, Ca. Ok, I now have an address for the 1950-1951 time period. I googled this address out of curiosity and the light blue residence with the green shrub in front is the dewling. My grandparents had twelve children that reached adulthood. Now, if I were to subtract two children from the 1940 Census that would leave ten children plus two adults living in this small dwelling during 1950-1951 and even if I were to subtract another child that would still leave nine children and two adults in this dwelling. We can only image the tensions that might have grew on each other.

 Another piece of the puzzle, since connecting with my first maternal cousin Karin, I recently got an email from her providing me with a bit of more information: January 27 2015

Hi Michael,

I can’t believe all the information you retrieved on the Bradford family, it’s amazing!! Thanks for sending it to me. Aunt Lucille told me the other day that her father, our grandfather, would go on a drinking binge every 7 years for 5 days. He would also tell all the children really scary detective stories. That may explain why my mother is such a frightened person. Will be in touch.

Karin

I am getting closer but have one more fact to add to the missing pieces, I recently had a conversation with Aunt Patricia who is my first cousins’ mother, during our conversation, she informed that her and my mother were at the park one day on the swing sets and were also petting a puppy that happened to show up. While at the park, a man exposed himself to both little girls and they ran home as fast as they could, they told their Dad what had happened and he grabbed his gun, (he was a night watchman for the graveyards) ran to the park. My Aunt tells me they never had another incident like that happen again so only one can suggest what transpired that day once my grandfather got to the park.

I have the slapping incident, small living arrangements for a family of that size and the new information of grandfather going on drinking binges and telling stories to scare his children and the park exposure incident. I can now say with a good amount of certainty why my Mother was so nervous…..